Sorry I haven’t weighed in sooner, I just stared the book last weekend because I HAD to finish the other book I was reading (Geographer’s Library, a really fun read by the way if you like DaVinci Code type books) My first impression of this book was that I was not going to like the author (aka main character) at all. She seemed very immature and selfish to me and not just a little bit shallow. (Sometimes it is great to be reading a book for a book group because it forces you to give the book more of a chance) I am glad I stuck with it though because as you move through the book you gain more of an understanding of her. I must admit I still don’t like her all that much, mostly because she is someone I really can’t relate to, but I do have a better appreciation for her situation and where she is coming from.
Quite frankly it is good to read the honest perspective of someone who really doesn’t want children in their 30s because I count myself among those that she refers to who just dove into parenthood without too much consideration for it. It just seemed like an awesome thing to do; an experience that I couldn’t imagine not having. I found her story about the artist new mother particularly striking. I think I had a similar night to this woman early on after Evie was born. What the author is missing, however, is that women who have children don’t necessarily know immediately how to best adapt their lives around their kids and can easily overdo it in those first few months (goodness knows I did). As a result their lives can look like misery in a snapshot when the truth is they are filled with joy AND constant adaptation trying to move back toward a new normal that includes many pre-kid activities but done in a different and oftentimes better way. So the author witnesses the scene but doesn’t have the right perspective on it in my opinion.
Her stories about Italy definitely make me want to travel again. (I was lamenting the other night that it has been more than two years… oh boo-hoo for me I know… since we have left the country for someplace other than Mexico) But I am not jealous per se, because I see the circumstances that have freed her to travel like she is and would not take that in a million years in exchange for a year of travel.
So on to India…
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2 comments:
Because I am listening to the book, it sometimes makes me even harder for me to relate to her. I don't know how to explain it. I just don't always like her. However, she has grown on me. I actually do care about what happens to her now that I am in Indonesia -- my favorite part by the way. The ashram was a little scary for me, though I used to think I wanted to spend some time in one. I agree with you, Kelly, that she definitely describes the party/new mom/artist episode as an outsider to motherhood. I still get resentful, sometimes, over things I can't do any more. But we have been able to make compromises in such a way that I now feel that Joe has joined the lifestyle we had before he was born, with certain changes that have only made it better. I appreciate the compromises. They are making me grow as a person, I think. This is something you can't really relate to before you have kids, I guess. However, I don't find her selfish. I admire her for making the decision not to have kids. It bothers me how people just assume that everyone should have kids.
I totally agree with you about the kid assumption. I think really selfish isn't the best word for it... self centered is probably better.
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